Defcon One

Captain's Log

17.10.11

18:26

After watching Oprah, we decided we love strong women. What better way to pay homage to them than a Nott-to-Hott list? Ladies and Gentlemen:

#10: Michele Bachmann

Con: No eyelids

Double Con: Super Un-photogenic. What kind of politician is that??

#9: Jan Brewer

Con: Face looks like and old catcher's mitt

Pro: from Arizona; doesn't take crap from the feds

#8: Susan B. Anthony

Cons: Boy, the early 1900's did a number on this one

Pro: Can you say 19th amendment?? I want the woman who played a key role in amending the constitution making my dinner EVERY night.

#7: Condalisa Rice

Cons: Do I feel a breeze? Oh yeah, it's coming out of that MASSIVE GAP IN YOUR TEETH.

Pro: Known to play hardball; look at those lips

#6: Hillary Clinton

Cons: She'd definitely wear the pants in any relationship

Pro: The pants she'd be wearing are camo, cargo pants with a fully equipped utility belt (i.e. combat knife, smoke bombs, and grapple gun)

#5: Sarah Palin

Con: Stupid

Pro: Gun totin', rule breakin', country lovin' maverick; Superpower: can see Russia from her house

#4: Martha Washington

Con: Probably an anti-abolitionist

Pro: Dem curves

#3: Michelle Obama

Con: Wife of known marxist

Pro: rockin' the lack of sleeves

#2: Jackie Kennedy

Con: racist...

Pro: She won the space race because SHE IS OUT OF THIS WORLD!!

#1: Yulia Tymoshenko

Pro: Prime Minister of Ukraine; Drop-dead gorgeous looks that would melt even the Iron Curtain

Double Pro: Über hott braid-crown that would make Queen Amadala blush

To prove just how applicable this scale is, here are a few demonstrations on where a few other "first" ladies fall on the scale.

Cindy McCain

Hott. Dem Curves. This picture shows she's the perfect date to walk down the beach in Nantucket. Downsides: probably the best picture we could find.

Placement: 5.6

Laura Bush

Her lip-gloss is poppin. AND She's got that Helen Parr thing going on...

Placement: 3.6

Queen Clarisse Renaldi of Genovia

Money. Status. Power. Classy incarnate. And an accomplished mattress-surfer.

Placement: 2.2

What did we learn? Ukraine has some smokin' hott politicians. America... not so much.