Guess who's back? No, not Slim Shady. It's us, the Carless Whispererz themselves. For our comeback post we wanted to give y'all something special. We all know that when you see these guys on TV and whatnot you can't help but play "who would you do?" Believe it or not, some of these lifeforms are even hotter than the stars they come from! Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands, frontal appendages, tentacles, etc. together for....
Okay. So maybe we cheated a little with this one. But can you blame us for finding the ONE alien that most closely resembles our species the most attractive? Also, look at her. 'Nuff said.
"So you find yourself some local tail, and you just completely forget what team you're playin' for?" - General Quaritch
Yes. Yes we did. Imma grab me a spaceship and fly to Pandora and I'm Na'vi coming back to Earth. I mean, ladies of this caliber are nigh unobtanium-able. Any chance you get to go to Pandora, you take it.
He may have a severe case of forehead-butt, but he's golden on the inside. Ease back and let the Kenny G of Clak'dor VII serenade you into a smooth jazz stupor like you've never experienced before.
Bad boys make everyone go weak in the knees. Who better exemplifies this persona than this fugitive mad scientist? He enjoys long walks on the moon, bantha fodder martinis, and splicing genes. If you get the chance to go dancing with him, take it. He is surprisingly light on his feet.
Upsides: great body, deeply religious, totally awesome, and the dexterity in his four, separate mandibles make him a very talented kisser.
Downside: He's a real jerk. Also, his religious jihad is bent on destroying humanity, so...
Cute, cuddly, and most definitely alien. Alf may not have
Apple Bottom jeans but he has boots made of fur (made of fur). Who wouldn't want to cuddle with this stuffed creature come to life? Downside, he has a giant pig-elephant nose-ish thing stuck to his face. However, he needs this olfactory factory to find his favorite food... feline mignon
See that smirk? E.T. has a secret. What's that secret you ask? He knows how to dougie. And all the girlies love it. He also knows a bar on Mars where they drive spaceships instead of caaaars. Wanna know why his finger is glowing like that? BECAUSE HE'S RED HOTT. So why is he down so far on the list? The size of his eyes and the distance between them make him look like he's always creeping on you through a pair of binoculars... He's got a dirty mind, he's got filthy ways. He wants to lay his eggs in your milky way...
So many things wrong with this picture.
#1) Dreadlock ears? Really?
#2) I'm sure he's riddled with whatever diseases Space-Trinidad is home to.
#3) He-sir so a-clumsy he was-a banished.
#4) He's an NAACP law suit just waiting to happen.
But we shall give credit where credit is due. He does have some mad jumping skills. And who doesn't appreciate comedic relief?
This miscreant has way too many baby mamas. Also, they don't survive long.
But apart from that, we can agree that natural selection has created the ultimate killing machine which resembles a Ducati more than an animal. And anyone who's ridden on a Ducati can agree that it will scare the crap right out of your colon.
He's basically a face attached to a writhing, slimy turd. He may be dripping with sexual magnetism, but that "magnetism" also smells like Sarlac breath. At least you can be sure you'll never go hungry when you're together. Need a snack? Just lift up a flab of misshapen slug and find whatever meal has been forgotten there. But seriously, it's like George Lucas made a poop-snow-man, gave it giant marble eyes and called it "Jabba".
Also his best friend is this thing:
Also his best friend is this thing:
